


Take Me Back To New York

by noblet



Category: Fake News RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2016-08-21
Packaged: 2018-08-10 02:43:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7827244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noblet/pseuds/noblet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's 1999 and Jon will do anything to impress his new boss.</p><p>(A/N I have decided to post the rest of the chapters all at the same time so it may be a while until an update occurs. Thanks.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Take Me Back To New York

**Author's Note:**

> This has been sitting in my drafts for almost four months now. Procrastination game strong. I suck at fact-checking so some of the dates may be a little off.

_IMPROV ACTOR STEPHEN COLBERT TO TAKE OVER CRAIG KILBORN’S_ DAILY SHOW

_35-year-old Stephen Colbert has been announced as the new host of The Daily Show. Colbert, a Northwestern graduate and Second City alumni, will debut on January 11th of next year._

_Colbert (pronounced kohl-bear) is currently in the process of developing a show that will also air on Comedy Central. Strangers With Candy will air its first episode this coming April. Whether or not Colbert will take a break to film Strangers is unclear as of this writing…_

=====

1998

He’s two blocks from the office when his phone begins to ring. Jon, half awake and more than half frozen in the winter weather, fishes his phone from his bag and fumbles with it though numb fingers. He presses the speaker to his ear, prepared for whatever the morning decides to throw at him. Steve (it’s not Beth, thank God) starts talking before Jon can even mumble “hello” through chattering teeth.

“Get up here!” Steve prompts in a forced whisper. The unintelligible murmurs of their coworkers filter in through the background like he’s in a crowded place. “Something’s going on in the writer’s room.”

Jon groans and flexes his right hand in an attempt to feel his fingers again. He tells Steve he’ll get there as soon as possible, shoves the phone back in his bag, and books it to the office in record time.

=====

He tries his best to blend into the wall once he walks in, feeling like everyone’s eyes are on him. He’s peeling off his second jacket when Steve, who’s sitting in the front, turns, makes eye contact, and shrugs.

 _Sorry. Couldn’t tell you sooner_ , he mouths.

Kilborn’s standing in the front of the room, eyes dragging over the staff like they’re a flock of sheep and he’s a fox ready to pounce. He licks his lips and begins to speak, kicking himself away from the wall so he can walk as he talks.

“I’m sure some of you have heard by now....” he starts, folding his arms and then unfolding them. “After a few months of… negotiating with the network...I have put some thought into…”

He stops his pacing and draws himself to his full height, looking Jon dead in the eye before he starts to scan the room again. “Hell, I’ll cut to the chase. I will be stepping down as host in December.”

The room bursts into a concert of questions, snickering, mostly questions. Beth is the only one who bothers to raise her hand. She asks her question loudly and clearly without waiting to be called on.

“So are we gonna get canceled or what?”

=====

Jon sits in the front row of the press conference and with the cheap tie and sleeves that are too long for his arms. He wants to make a good impression, he really does, but the room is cram packed with aggressive reporters and the fluorescent light that flickers above them drives him crazy. He takes a sip of the complimentary drink (disgusting) and takes a bite of the protein bar he started for breakfast (not as disgusting, but pretty close.) He only got three hours of sleep the night before and right now he’s in limbo between being awake and being _awake_.

He fidgets. Half an hour of crossing and uncrossing his legs, pulling at his collar, and fiddling with the one pen he brought to take notes with leads to him imagining his mother lecturing him for being so twitchy (as she has done countless times before.)

A short man with a receding hairline walks from the right of the stage and taps the mic on the podium. The chatter in the room fades to silence as he clears his throat. After some fanfare, he finally announces, “Please welcome Stephen Colbert,” in a deep, cracking voice. Jon fixes his posture and crosses his legs for the last time and listens.

The sound of camera shutters fill the room as a man with perfectly-coiffed hair and rimless glasses walks onto the stage. One hand is waving out to the audience while the other is subconsciously clutching his tie so tightly Jon can feel his own hand getting sore.

"Hi everyone," Stephen says twice, once before switching his mic on, once after tapping it and feedback erupts from the speakers. "I'm really excited to do this," he continues, unfazed. A cheeky grin spreads on his face and there's a look to him- something eager and fresh and Jon wonders what it’s like to have that much charisma every day.

The press conference is short, mainly reporters asking questions about how he’ll change the show and Stephen removing his glasses to clean them one too many times. One reporter asks how long he plans to host before moving on to “bigger and better projects”. A respectful silence hangs in the air. Instead of laughing it off he looks back at an executive in faux shock, adjusting his glasses while he turns. “Wait, wait, wait. You guys are already planning to replace me?”

=====

Stephen has a bad habit of slouching over the table.

Jon notices when they’re in the writer's room sweating over three desk pieces that still need to be expanded and written out. His righthand tugs at his earlobe as his left spins a pen around and around. It reminds Jon of the way his brother would read when he thought no one was looking, all twisted into an uncomfortable pretzel pose that he insisted was effective. Stephen frowns at his script and the pen flies across the room when he fails to catch it. “Shit.”

"What’s wrong?" Jon asks. He knocks his knuckles against the desk a couple of times to calm the nerves that creep up whenever he has to talk to his bosses.

"Nothing wrong.” Stephen shakes his head. He lets out a nervous laugh. “Honestly, how long do you think this is going to last?” Stephen asks, his voice a low whisper.

“We haven’t even made the first show,” Jon says slowly. “Where’d all this self-doubt come from?”

“I’m serious. It’s like everyone hates me here."

“They’re always like that,” Jon lies. “It’s just that most of the good writers left when Craig left. It’s common sense. We honestly thought they’d scrap the show altogether.”

“And you didn’t leave?”

“Why would I? The job pays.” A moment of uncomfortable silence passes between them and Jon wonders if he should’ve said something different.

“You’re a correspondent too, right?” Stephen finally says, straightening up.

“Technically. I’ve only done one piece. I enjoy writing much more than acting. Camera doesn’t seem to like me that much.”

“So you say. You wanna change that?” Stephen says, leaning on his elbows.

“What, like do more pieces?”

“Exactly. I mean, I’m just trying to build good err… relationships with the staff right now. I know I’m going to leave for a week or so to wrap up _Strangers_. It’d be nice to have someone hold down the fort while I’m gone.”

“Yeah?” Jon raises a brow.

“Yeah. _Strangers_. It’s a mess right now. Me and Paul, uh, my friend- we’re basically writing scenes before we shoot ‘em. It’s fu- super complicated and our director Amy, Paul’s girlfriend, is completely up our asses when it comes to getting our scenes right.”

“She sounds delightful.”

“She is. You know what, Leibowitz?” Stephen says, drawing out the ‘z’ for two beats longer than normal, “You aren’t so bad.” He leans over the table and shakes Jon’s hand for the first time.

“Uh, it’s Stewart. And thanks. Same to you," Jon musters.

=====

There is no character to hide behind, no one else on stage to hide behind. All he has is a pen and blank blue papers to clutch onto.

Five minutes, five minutes until commercial. _He can do this he can do this he can do this._ After the intro plays, Stephen clears his throat and begins to speak.

=====

 _Actor Stephen Colbert debuted last Monday night as the new host of_ The Daily Show _and critics are praising the comedian for his alternative take on the satirical news program. Although viewers are reportedly wary of the drastic focus from pop culture to politics, ratings have gone up and the average number of viewers have increased by 300%..._

=====

Jon walks into the office one day to find dogs roaming freely. "Stephen?" He says when he finds him in the hall.

"You like it? If you’re allergic, I’m sorry." He makes a sweeping gesture with one hand and tips his coffee up to his lips with the other. "Makes sense to bring them into the office, though, boosts morale I guess."

“No, no, not allergic. I had all sorts of animals as a kid,” Jon says as he bends down to pet Ed’s Australian Shepherd. It's shedding like hell, but Jon can’t complain. “Do you have one? A dog, I mean.”

"Not yet. I've barely settled into my apartment.”

Jon gives him a look. "It's been three months."

Stephen smiles sheepishly and shrugs. "What can I say, Jon. I procrastinate."

"You obviously haven't procrastinated on turning this place around," Jon says, speaking before he thinks. "What I mean to say is- you wasted no time improving things around here."

"I'm glad you think so."

"I don't think so, I know so. You do know we had no creamer for coffee before you got here, right? It feels like the second coming already.”

The laugh that comes out of Stephen surprises them both. “You didn’t tell me you were funny,” Stephen smiles, and Jon shrugs.

=====

"What do you want to listen to?"

"Well, NPR usually puts me to sleep pretty quickly."

"Very funny. Don't you have an off switch?"

Stephen pretends to think a little as he fiddles with the car seat and leans it as far back as it can go. Steve groans in the back and slides over to the seat behind Jon. "We don't have to listen to anything if it's a distraction," he says.

"Hey, I'm a pretty good driver, actually," Jon says as the stoplight switches from red to green. He floors it without a thought, which sends Stephen clutching onto the sides of his seat with white knuckles.

"Please," he adjusts his glasses and looks back at Steve, who's staring at him with wild eyes. "Your feet can barely reach the pedals."

"Another short joke. How funny." Jon's voice is dry.

"How long until we get to D.C?" Steve asks from the back.

"Four hours depending on traffic," Stephen says as he settles down again. "Five, maybe." He pulls out an eyepatch from his pocket and puts his glasses in the cup holder.

"Tell me again why we aren't taking a plane?" Jon asks the question through tense lips as he merges onto the freeway.

"There's only three of us," Stephen says. "Besides, I think this is going to be fun. Team bonding and all that.”

"Please," Steve leans over and Jon can feel his breath on his neck. "Stephen just doesn't want to spend the money on roundtrip tickets." They snicker but Stephen raises his hand up to interrupt.

"Whatever," Jon says. “Sorry Steve, I think I’m going to have to agree with Stephen. This is my first field piece in months.”

“Hey, mine too!” Stephen says sarcastically as he settles in to sleep.

=====

_DAILY SHOW STARS STEVEN COLBERT AND JOHN STEWART CAUGHT COMING OUT OF MOTEL ROOM IN SOUTH PHILADELPHIA_

"God, they didn't even spell our names right," Jon frowns. He turns the tabloid over to Stephen, who takes it with one hand as the other clutches a heavily-edited script.

"Hey, I'm pretty sure Steve was in this picture. I think they just cropped him out," he notices.

"Huh. You're right. Since when are we famous enough to get followed by paparazzi?" Jon smirks.

"Since we did that gaydar bit on the show and people think we’re destined for each other.”

"Fuck off," Jon laughs.

"I'm serious! Do you think Steve and Nancy would get this much attention?"

Jon turns off the coffee machine and takes the steeping cup in his hands. "I guess not. Want some?"

He pushes the mug towards Stephen but he shakes his head.

"We're on in half an hour. Caffeine makes me go crazy.”

“Hm, I’d hate to have your job,” Jon says thoughtfully as he takes a sip.

=====

April 1999

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart is, according to Stephen, (and pardon his French) "fucking amazing.” He calls Jon just as he’s about to get into bed, and Jon answers because a) Stephen’s his boss and b) Stephen’s his _boss_.

“Sorry for calling so late. Is it morning there?” Stephen asks.

“Stephen, you're in Jersey. There's no time difference.”

“Oh, right, oh, right. Forgot. Sorry. I had half a five-hour energy…… six hours ago. Hm. Anyways, I just watched you do your thing and I hate to say it’s pretty good.”

“Yeah?”

“It's like you were destined for it. Hell, I was watching it with Paul and Amy and they told me you look more natural behind that desk than I do.”

“Nah, that's just called having friends. They tease,” Jon says as he pulls off his pants and throws them onto the floor. “All I did was make faces. I'm sure the audience will get sick of it within a week.”

“Hey! I'm coming back in a week.”

“How convenient,” Jon laughs. “I was nervous as hell,” he admits. “You never told me the blue papers were blank!”

“What did you think was on them?”

“A script? A crossword puzzle? I don't know. I spent most of the lulls drawing on em.”

“I saw. Speaking of crossword puzzles, what’s three letters long and says ‘for God’s sakes’ every thirty seconds?”

“What can I say, I was nervous,” Jon says as he pulls off his shirt to replace it with a warmer, baggier one.

“I hear ya. Listen, I have to wake up at five tomorrow so I’m gonna turn in. If you have any issues or questions, just call me, alright?”

“What if I have to call you in, say, thirty minutes?”

“I don’t care. _Call me_. Anything for you,”- and Jon can tell from the sternness in his voice that he means it.

“Goodnight, Stephen,” he finally says.

“Goodnight.”

=====

"You should have your own show," Stephen says one day. He absentmindedly gnaws at a pen, and he brings the suggestion up so nonchalantly Jon almost instinctively says yes.

 _Is he drunk?_. Jon squints his eyes at him but he doesn’t notice anything out of the ordinary. "No, I really don't think-"

“You’re the best correspondent on the show.” Steve gives Stephen a dirty look across the writer’s table, then squares the papers in his hands and continues reading. Look, I already know you’re thinking of excuses. After that stunt in Philadelphia, people keep on asking for more of _you_. Comedy Central is pushing for a show to fill the time slot after mine. I've already talked to the rest of the staff and we all agree you'll do better on your own. I'm ready to vouch for you.”

Jon is stunned, as in just-got-slapped-in-the-face stunned. He looks over to Steve, who nods. “Are you firing me?” he asks, completely missing the point.

Stephen leans back in his chair and crosses his arms. “Think of it as a promotion.”

“Do I have a choice?” Jon tilts his head like there’s water in his ear and he’s hearing Stephen incorrectly.

“I know I’m always going on about how hard this gig can get, but it’s really not. You can get a few good writers and you’ll be set. I can come over to show you the ropes if you’re willing.”

“Are you just handing me a show? Just like that? Let me do something. Anything," Jon says, still skeptical.

“Anything?” Stephen looks surprised for a second, and Jon can tell he genuinely intended on just 'handing him a show.’ “Come with me to Paul and Amy’s Christmas party next week,” he smirks. “This would be my third year going alone. They're going to give me hell if that streak continues.”

Okay, not the catch Jon was expecting, but then again, what did he expect?

Jon leans back in his chair and stares down his boss. “I guess I'll be needing a new suit.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first multi-chapter fic I've written in a few years. I'm hype and scared.
> 
> I originally started writing this as dialogue practice but then I thought of Stephen being Jon's boss and stuff just started from there.


End file.
